Oil on canvas – 11,81 x 15,75 inch – Unique work

I’m there, sitting on my sofa, lost in thoughts, dreaming, somewhere else … Suddenly, a shiver runs through me. I’m frozen to the bone. The outside temperature suddenly dropped, my body temperature followed the same path.

I keep my thoughts aside, crush them. And instead, I let something get inside of me. This thing which cannot be explained, which cannot be seen, but can be felt. Even if feeling … I would rather write, let myself be guided towards a second state of mind. And then memories haunt me.

First of all, it’s about sneaky smells. I can hardly identify what it is. And then, a scent of pink rose fictitiously fills my nostrils. Would I be in Charbuy, the country house of my childhood? Or in the street, smelling a rose calling me from some garden. Whatever, it’s a distant feeling, for sure.

Then sounds find its way into my inner ear, replacing my tinnitus. A little music, a former band, a favorite singer? Accuracy is uncertain … I have no idea … Oh, maybe I have, after all. The words of a song, written in my head all by myself, one late afternoon, in London, while I was locked outside my house. It was a goodbye, a despair, there was something about it that I finally never forgot and which comes back “out of the blue” today.

Then, blurred images, unfinished invented stories,… and why not… and finally no. All these conscious, unconscious scenarios which reappear slowly but surely. What I could have become if … And why have I always listened to others without following my instincts, my desires? Why ? Why ? Why ? Because !!!

And right now, as I look at you with my eyes wide open, you, my oil on canvas with this tormented sky, I feel this melancholy rising in me. This indescribable but striking melancholy that sticks to my skin, slips under my shoe sole, becomes the stone in this same shoe, sometimes the icing on the cake, the drop of water that makes the vase overflow … These street terms find all their meaning in these particular circumstances of introspection, self-destruction. But you know what ?

The melancholy dies today. And this time, welcome to my life …