Oil on canvas – 15,75 x 15,75 inch – Unique work

It is hiding in me, like a feline watching its prey. It is my own enemy and nevertheless my best friend since my birth.

Insidious, deaf and invasive, it takes over my mind on Sunday evening. Child, teenager, the weekend blues puts me into incessant tears. Inconsolable and so lonely, sadness feels comfortable enough and literally at home to make the sun shine or make it rain, and especially the rain in this case! I wander like a troubled soul in my room which seems to me the only place where I can feel safe. And so far it’s not the case …

In my everyday life, immersed in a book, absorbed by a film, a series, whatever, sadness is never far away. Like a second skin, it is stuck to me like a leech and sucks my blood and my senses until I lose consciousness, my loss of confidence, it is as simple as that. And the most pernicious thing is that all this takes place without my knowledge. Otherwise, inevitably, I would have acted …

At work, sadness is never very far either. The confusion and the helplessness in which she immerses me take me by surprise and immobilize me with impunity. So, I hide, I make myself very small, as tiny as possible to make me forget from the outside, from the others who surround me and want to harm me, necessarily. Except that, at the end of the day, I hurt myself and enclose me to myself, vis-à-vis myself. But if I know it …

Except that at that time, I was in submission, darkness and … sadness totally, entirely, tirelessly. No way of knowing and logically impossible to go against it. So, I endure, again and again … And I cry, always, and again …

Then suddenly, finally, after a long journey … I realize, I take off my onion peels, my beliefs, my fears. I see the intensity, I feel it, I get it. I forgive myself too, I implore sometimes, I am looking for myself!

Then the obvious, like a second breath, like a reborn and the sadness goes away, comes off, in pain, in tears, again, in coldness sometimes. Finally, she has no other choice but to leave me, or rather, I leave her!

And I close my eyes, the thoughts disappear, farewell to sadness …